Stephen Colbert for President
What if we the people were to vote Stephen Colbert for President? Would the universe implode in on itself as the pure awesomeness became too unstable, thereby creating a black hole that would warp time and space into a coagulated ball of anti matter that would wake the Gods from their slumber? The answer is, of course, a resounding ‘yes!’ What if every United States Citizen, or at least a majority, were to use the write in vote to plead the resounding cries of Stephen Colbert for President? Could we be responsible for the revolution that will carry our country forward on the strong foundation of the Colbert Nation backs that carry the muscular fortitude necessary for such a task? Will this article give any answers or only a series of questions?
It is time that we the people rise to the standards set forth by our forefathers, not those of their illegitimate children, and stand up for our right to vote for whoever the hell we want based on the simple premise of celebrity, good looks, slim physique, and a handsome appearance; not to mention the intellectual prowess and testicular fortitude necessary to carry out the task. They try to force us to only have a limited selection of half crazed zealots with which to choose from. Well we say Ney! We will vote for who we want and think outside the presidential race whose only conclusion is that whoever has the most money wins. It is a shallow and materialistic basis by which to choose our nation’s leader. Coincidentally, and completely off subject, you can donate to the Colbert super Pac at Colbertsuperpac.com to help lead this nation’s future on the well oiled shoulders of a great man whose Greek god physique and broad muscular shoulders could only be compared with that of Atlas who carried the world on his back before the Christians destroyed him and scientists learned how to make the world float. Yes, I am speaking of Stephen Colbert!
Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for Stephen Colbert! You, yes you, can start the revolution and get this country back to its former glory by taking a stand and pissing all over the presidential race, in a good way. Let the golden shower of glory unite us for a common cause so that we may taste the pure salty deliciousness of freedom. We the Colbert Nation set forth our own candidate for president and ask you, nation, to vote Stephen Colbert for President this coming election and all elections to come till the end of eternity. For Stephen Colbert is far more than a man, he is the future of this great nation that we call home. By voting Stephen Colbert for president we can truly test the system and see if our vote really counts or if “the man” will try to bring us down through self made loopholes and litigation. Let our voice be heard Colbert Nation! The time is nigh and we shall call out to the Gods and all those who reside under the eyes of the omniscient one that we call Stephen Colbert.